Sonterra
by Meadowlark12
Summary: What happens in San Antonio, stays in San Antonio. Or so they wish. Addison and Derek face each other during a weekend away attending their daughter's wedding. - ADDEK AU.
1. Thursday

_**Author's Notes: Hi. Thank you, for stopping by. I hope you get to have as much fun as I currently am with this prompt and I will just tell you before you read that there's nothing more rewarding than having people give a chance to what floats around in our heads.**_

_**Before landing in San Antonio, a quick reminder that all rights and existing main characters belong, of course, to their creators in Shondaland and we play with the given pieces in this safe place. **_

_**And now: opening curtain call. **_

* * *

**Thursday **

Samantha's taking too long.

They told her they were better off getting there themselves, she insisted enough until Addison accepted the gesture. Except she's not here yet, patience isn't her biggest talent, and she should have put her hair up, or at least carry-

"Mom, here." Addison's eyes widen at her daughter's offer, it's the hairband she was wearing on her wrist. Softened, she takes it, grabs Harper by the shoulder to place her in front of her and starts pulling the 6-year-old's hair back instead of her own. Is she taller than last week?

"I was giving it to you" she whines and starts to move, which makes Addison pull her closer as she fixes her wavier than usual hair.

"I know, baby. And you're the most thoughtful for that, but you're not meeting new people like this."

She feels her husband staring at her, "What?," she says to Jake while turning Harper around to gently push back any loosen strand, "Our hair's not used to this much heat, this weather." she disclaims in case he's judging her for exaggerating.

He's fighting a smile and she swats his shoulder, laughs for the both of them.

"Whatever, but it _is_ hotter here." she pushes her hair up from the back with a hand and stays like that for a second or two.

"She's taking forever, the sun is setting down already." Addison scans the pick up area and their carefully piled up luggage, wondering if she should have allowed Harper to bring as many bathing suits as she wanted since they have a full day tomorrow before rehearsal dinner and Sammy said- "_Where_ is she anyway?" she thinks out loud.

"We just got here."

"We're gonna take a golf cart to ride _anywhere_!" Henry's promise to his little sister distracts Addison from contradicting her husband.

"Henry," she eyes her son in annoyance, he seems to catch it and after minding her, shrugs her off. God forbid her children would ever be loud and jumpy enough to embarrass her.

"They're acting like we don't take them out at all." she side glances her husband but he ignores her purposefully. It works. "You _can_ be excited," she smiles at Henry aligning his polo's collar, he's turning eight this year and she hates how time has gone by too fast, "It's okay. I'm just…" it's not their fault this weekend hasn't started and it already has her uncomfortable.

"Mom is cranky." Harper looks up and chuckles, her brother and father follow.

Before any protest, Jake closes his arm around her waist and kisses her cheek, "Is this funny to you?" she pulls back, "Am I too old to understand their inside jokes?, Are we old?" she fixes her hair behind her ears for the hundredth time. "What if something happened to her?"

"We've been her for five minutes." Jake tries to reason.

"No, no, she said-." Addison searches for her phone to call her daughter.

"There they are." Jake points out while Samantha's grinning face greets them from the co-pilot's window as they park.

Amidst everyone hugging and loading their bags, Addison tries her best to push back one or two tears. After less than a year she still doesn't get used to the idea of living apart from her eldest daughter and seeing her only confirms how she can't picture a life without her most loyal companion, to which Henry and Harper seem to identify with. If that weren't enough, she's deeply proud of her choice of partner, Fernando's gentle charm is everything she'd wished for her first baby. This weekend is about them and not her feelings.

"Fernando, this is nice." she says in a pitch higher than intended. She hasn't seen or heard much of San Antonio, her only visit to Texas was to a conference in Dallas a little over two decades ago and Derek was presenting. It was a day and a half stay so she could say it doesn't count, it wasn't a thrill for them to be away from home if Sammy wasn't coming along so they didn't stay longer than needed.

"Mom, it's just the airport." Samantha calls out as they get into her fiance's SUV.

"Well, we were here long enough." Addison scoffs.

"Five. Minutes." Jake laughs while closing the door for her.

* * *

It's quiet in the back for the short ride to Stone Oak, the children are playing on their iPads and Addison and Jake are sharing their so far uneventful travel details until they approach the entryway of a large spanish property with pronounced white arcs, double pane windows and cantera columns, indirect lighting guiding toward the ceiling high wooden door.

"Welcome to Sonterra." Fernando eyes them from the rear view mirror.

"Where heaven is on earth." Samantha smirks looking back at them from the front seat.

They agreed to hold the wedding at the Villarreal's estate in honor of Fernando's late father, the original Fernando Villarreal. Everyone respected their desire to have a small reception with their parents only, it didn't seem like a big deal. Except, Sammy has two parents, two stepparents and six step-siblings. Five this time, Angela, Jake's step daughter from his first marriage couldn't make it. Whereas Fernando, is an only child with a widowed mother.

Past Birdsong Street, a path surrounded by bright green hills and far away entrances to other people's villas, they finally park on Whisper Road 2048 - since those are actual street names and no one is counting, or judging, or dying to make a comment on the pink poster about the Incarnate Word Women Committee next to The Club's entrance they passed-.

"We warned you." Sammy brings Addison out of thought.

"I haven't said a word." she says to either Jake or Sammy who are both disapproving of the thoughts they assume she has, as if theirs were any different.

"But you have to. You can. Wait 'till you see the rest of it." Fernando adds as they slow down in the garage.

* * *

As soon as the door from the side entrance opens, a massive kitchen is revealed and across the marble island there's what looks like a party.

"Zola, Bailey!" both Henry and Harper jump at the sight of their step-siblings.

As the children run off at the mention of a playroom, Addison could consider they should have them see each other a lot more often than only on Samantha's birthday - that was not long ago, this year had been the Shepherd's turn to come to LA, Derek couldn't come but the rest of them did, she believes that could have been a good time to discuss each other's schedule for this weekend, or maybe today before she texted her daughter that they were about to take off, or perhaps in the car ride that was almost half an hour and they talked about everything but missed mentioning that Derek, Meredith and their three kids were already here and that's probably what caused Sam and Fer to be late to being with, even if Jake would argue that it was five minutes but she'd never admit it - that's for another time.

"I didn't know you were arriving tonight too." is her first approach.

Derek, who rushed to help Fernando and Jake with the bags stops to make a face at her.

"Addison, hi. How are you? Yes, my children are beautiful and taller than last year, just like yours. But mind that I'm interested, unlike you."

"Derek." Meredith shakes her head at him. They finished settling in no more than two hours ago, the same amount of time it took her to distract Ellis from a late nap until she gave up and allowed the 3-year-old to slumber before they all go out to dinner.

"I wasn't trying to be rude but we just saw each other." Addison tries not to be defensive, this is not about his children or hers, but ever since their last bitter encounter during her brother's surgery, they have avoided each other as much as possible. Other than the thank you note she sent for the flowers she received on her mother's funeral, every interaction she has with her ex-husband is through either their unproblematic daughter or his very kind wife and she'd love for them to explain how they manage to stay as blinded by him as they are.

"Yes. Two months ago. He's just tired, it's fine." Meredith complies and Addison is grateful someone is on her side.

Before their banter is over, Jake comes in from the garage with the remaining bags and Derek takes one to excuse himself out of the picture.

"I'm sorry. Everyone is beautiful, it's not about them, plus they _are_ taller. I was thinking today how Harper looks different than last week." she takes out the bar stool next to Meredith and joins her on the kitchen island.

They exchange a few updates on their kids and whether or not the weather does feel hotter in here than in California until she feels Jake's hands on the back of her neck and lets her head fall back to see him.

"You okay?" he asks.

She nods and he leans in to place a kiss on her forehead.

They hear Fernando coming back along a non-familiar voice.

"The young ones seem to be enjoying our game room. Oh, the other parents!"

"Mamá." Fernando laughs, never let it be said his mother isn't loud enough, he takes her extended hand to draw her closer to the Reilly's. "This is Addison, Sammy's mom. And Jake, her stepdad."

She grabs them both in a tight hug. "It's great to finally meet you." Addison tell her, the air catches the lighter mood and she's grateful for it, given the obvious circumstances.

"Maria Eugenia, viuda de Villarreal." she introduces herself. "But you can call me Maru and you can omit that I am my Nando's widow too." she does a fast sign of the cross against her lips and reaches for the margaritator in the counter. "Who wants a drink?" she offers.

Who doesn't.

* * *

**/**

* * *

Derek stands next to Addison after Maru gave them a tour of the villa and they reach the final spot, a patio that connects through a low wooden fence to the hills of the golf court.

"_Hole 12 is close to here, but no one asks for the balls back if they fly them off into the pool. It happens, they're disposable though. Not disposable but we don't ask for them back, that's not a thing." _And so they learnt Maru is fluent on replying to her own statements.

"Sammy's getting married." he breaks the silence.

"Sammy's twenty three." she's observing everyone else cooling off and ponders she might be the only one who isn't enjoying the evening.

"Sammy's 23 and she's getting married." Derek's remark makes her heart skip a beat.

"And she's going to be an architect." she adds in case they were close to suggesting 2_3 and getting married_ is all their daughter is.

"At least she'll have a life." he takes a deep breath, his hands burrowed in his pant's front pockets.

"They." Addison corrects him swings her margarita glass around wishing some hispanic villa magic could refill it, or dear-sweet-talented Maru, and maybe those things are the same anyway.

"At least t_hey'll_ have a life."

"Are you okay with this?" she takes her chances and expects a genuine answer.

"Why wouldn't I be? He's good to her, they love each other, they've been together since-"

"Their first year, like us." his eyes soften and she reads how the parallel hadn't crossed his mind, she chooses to justify it by believing it's his eternal positive view on things, he doesn't consider failure as an option. Even though they technically were.

"We were 26 when we-" she nods so he doesn't have to say _get married_, "It didn't make a difference to be a little older."

He tries to push the fear down by changing the subject. "I don't see why it surprised you that we got here today too."

"True, you live further away." is she teasing?

That's absolutely not it.

"Sorry about earlier. I didn't remember they had all been at your place, I was…" he doesn't say _nervous _because that would require for him to admit it to himself first. He tries to rephrase. "It's actually good to see you, Addie.", she raises an eyebrow in response, he hasn't called her that for longer than she can remember. She's about to try to say something when Sammy's hand on her back makes both her and Derek turn around.

"Mom, Dad, this is Padre Juan."

"Oh, hi.", they shake hands with him, "I didn't know you were with someone." Addison smiles to Maru, who has her arm hooked on the proper man's elbow.

"I thought she wasn't - priests don't marry people." she whispers to Derek but Maru seems to grasp the idea.

"He's our family priest, Padre Juan." she stretches the word _padre _and _priest _which for the first time makes sense to them.

"Padre means priest." Maru explains in a slower diction than her now signature fluency.

"I thought it meant father so I-" maybe they should slow down on Maru's margaritas, Derek thinks. "Father is the same as priest. I- We're sorry. Never mind.", he finishes.

"You allowed all these blessing to happen" Padre Juan refers at the view in attempt to ease the tension. "Six children, being surgeons, I mean-"

"No, no, it's not, they're not all ours_._" Addison gets the full idea first and nudges Derek to back her up.

"Yeah, I can tell you adopted too, which is even-"

"No," she blurts at the same time her ex-husband says "Yes."

After a look from Addison, Derek opens his mouth to clarify but she begins, "They're not- we're not," she gestures with her hand between them both, "Sammy's our only child together." Derek completes.

Padre Juan's eyes open wide, he flushes, "I'm so-" he places a hand to his chest, "You're with other people?"

"Divorced." Addison nods, then smiles at Derek.

"But not ecclesiastical." Priest Juan might have meant that as a question but they don't have time to figure it out.

"Guys, let's go." Samantha calls out and Addison is only thanking symbiosis for the rescue, because according to Padre Juan, God isn't thrilled with them.

* * *

"Can I have ice cream for dinner?" Harper pouts to her mother.

"No. But we can share one for dessert, how about that?" her blue eyes brighten, she beams in agreement, which deepens her dimples and reminds Addison that not everything is as bad and awkward as she's perceiving. Henry, for example, is amused that they did ride a golf cart to The Club because Fernando's clearly soft on the kids, he and Samantha took them and gave their car to Jake so he would drive everybody else to dinner.

Addison nods to herself, everybody's getting along. Excluding her brief face off with Derek, Samantha and Fernando warned them that his mother was a very catholic person, but so far she has been warm and welcoming. Unless she's misconceiving.

"So we told Fernando we don't mind that all of her parents live in sin because we don't judge the children of God." Maru is - of course - leading the conversation.

"What is sin?" Ellis asks and cheers to herself with her napkin up. "Sin!"

"Okay. El, it's not-" Meredith turns to Derek for help and he turns to no one in particular.

"We're not religious." he smiles with his lips pressed together hoping that calls it.

"Ay no, mi amor, that's evident."

"Mamá." Fernando pleads.

Maru puts her hands up in total confusion, her shinny bangles slide along both her forearms clacking against each other, "I specifically said we don't mind."

Among their nuance, The Club's restaurant is noisy enough that some of their words are muffled by the pianist's joyous playing and other people's laughter. If they look around, for a moment it could be understandable that people who live in golf court villas are chatty and unbothered and that their main focus is whether their future in laws had an ecclesiastical divorce or not.

"_She did say Sammy has a lot of parents."_

"_Well, they're four." _

"_Four is a lot of parents." _Zola and Henry meant to murmur to each other but the entire table hears and they seem to be choosing if it's best to laugh or cry.

A festive waiter appears just in time, "My name is Jesus and I'm happy to be of your service tonight. Welcome to The Club at Sonterra, where heaven is on earth. Are you ready to live the experience?" he wraps up his introduction with a wide grin.

Unless it meant a fast pass to Sunday - no adult in that table really is.

* * *

_**Author's notes:** Hello and thank you to pieces for taking the time to read the first part of the five acts taking place in the Villarreal's wonderful marvelous villa. I appreciate every minute you took to visit and I will appreciate you a thousand times more if you guys review. This story is being written with profound respect to every character, specially the ones we know of and love. I won't spoil anything but I do need to say that whatever happens, everybody ends up happy and okay. No hearts will be permanently broken in this universe and if you have any questions regarding anything about it, feel free to ask! We'll know a bit more of every character in time although we only have a weekend to get to know them. I will stop myself now but I appreciate your reading and I BEG YOU to review._

_Thank you!_


	2. Friday - Before

_**Author's notes: HI, Hi! I am horrible and take forever with my own story that I wrote to my own amusement and still took forever to revisit. I can't thank you enough if you've made it to chapter II, or better said: Friday, before it all confuses us, or Friday Part I. I'm scared of much time and effort this takes, it's amazing and addictive. And as I said, for my own amusement. I'm going to shut up but not before shamelessly begging you to review and let me know how you feel, if you have any questions, anything. **_

_**We're back in Sonterra, and everybody has their own idea of what Heaven is on earth to them. Thank you for the memories. **_

_**Off we go:**_

* * *

**Friday | Before**

Fortissimo.

A copper bowl hits the floor and its echo helps Addison find what she was looking for.

_Who _she was looking for.

She doesn't say a word, though. Doesn't need to.

It takes extra effort to keep a straight face, so she lifts one eyebrow to distract herself from smiling.

Harper's freckles are hidden by how blushed she is and her eyes couldn't possibly get any wider. She's kneeling on the kitchen counter, holding an All Bran cereal box with both her hands, the highest cabinet is open.

Harper is always the first of the Reilly's to be ready, Addison makes sure of that. Sammy gave her experience on how girls take longer and always need fixing in the end. She knows better. Only this time, she took advantage of everyone else's coming and going to rush downstairs to make sure her mother was telling her the truth.

"This isn't our house and you're going through other people's stuff."

She looks down to the copper bowl as if it were at fault for her getting caught, it's shamelessly reflecting light back at her.

"I'm..." her chin is quivering, Addison walks closer to her to take the box from her hands to put it back and close the cabinet. Harper's frame is that of surrender, she leans back on her heels until her mother rests her elbows on each side of her on the counter. Trapped, but apparently forgiven. "Sorry." she manages to whisper.

At her mother's smirk, she feels less in trouble.

"If I said they didn't have a cookie jar..."

"They don't."

Addison nods and takes a step back to help her down. The skirt of her daughter's flower summer dress falling into place.

She offers a hand after waiting for her to put her sandals on.

Harper looks back and forth from her mother's palm to her face.

Peace making.

They smile at each other and she finally takes it.

"Come on, I know you're hungry. Everyone's outside waiting for us."

**...**

* * *

**...**

They brunch where the set up of tonight's dinner will be: across the pool, with a nice view of the hills.

And an unbearable heat.

"Whose idea was it to brunch outside?" Maru turns her hand fan in the direction of Meredith's shoulder where Ellis naps.

They're enjoying the quiet. The kids ran out of the table as soon as they were allowed.

"Tell her it's not that hot." Addison murmurs to Jake with motive of his constant mocking for her exaggeration about the weather.

Although it was no one's idea in particular, they all agreed to stay where it felt more spacious. Twelve is a party.

"Those are nowhere close to pearl!" Sammy pushes her chair out to walk away from the table.

"She got a text from the club's planner, we had everything done I don't know..." the rest of what Fernando explains to the others fades, Addison's focus is on Sammy's set jaw, a few feet away from them. She stands up, something's not right.

**...**

* * *

**...**

"_I mean, it could be all plain white if-"_

"_Plain_ white? Oh-" she closes her eyes, inhales deeply, counts to ten. "Sharon, can I call you back?".

"_In how long? Because I need to let food and beverage know-" _The call is canceled before she says anything she might regret.

Samantha Shepherd, she will always hesitate. Growing up with her parents, they taught her well to always think twice. Reverse psychology, whether they used it on purpose or not.

Addison walks closer noticing she's trying not to cry.

"She wants me to change it to rose gold or plain white. No pearl color. She thought she had pearl color. _Thought_."

"The color of the-"

"For the ribbons and the, uh, the runner. For the table. It's only one imperial table, mom. It's the smallest." She shakes her head, unable to finish. Maybe three or four tears come out and she could be embarrassed but has no time for composure.

"Oh, hun."

Fernando runs at the sight of Addison hugging her daughter.

"This is very stupid." She pulls back and wipes her face with the heel of her hands. "I'm sorry. I, how am I supposed to switch to whatever she pleases? Just like that."

"It's just a color. Rose gold is alike I guess?"

Her cheeks flush at Fernando's statement. "Seriously?"

"Come on, Sam. It's no big deal."

Addison is somehow grateful everyone else is out of earshot when she sees her daughter's eyes flutter.

"I've kept this as laid back and easy as possible and the one thing I carefully chose is_ literally _going to be the opposite."

"Sam. It doesn't matter."

"No, it doesn't. But that nothing is ever important to you does."

Addison is surprised for a second but pauses to let Samantha have this one. The worst time to call on someone's overreacting is when they're doing it. She's going to wait it out.

"What are you talking about?" unlike Fernando, of course, because what are men if not oblivious to when they should stop taking hits personal.

"Whatever." She takes off, her long legs crossing frantically one in front of the other.

Fernando chases after her but she slides the kitchen door closed before he gets there murmuring something Addison can't get that seems to work and stop him outside.

She sees him turn around and kick one of the pool chairs.

"What was that?" Derek approaches his ex-wife from the back. She doesn't take her gaze from the door across the pool. "This is very unlike her. She must be stressed."

Addison rolls her eyes. She's mad at him for no particular reason, except that he might be the only person she can address without caring that he's not to blame. "Of course she's under stress. She's upset. She's also _twenty-three_, Derek." Her tone explicatory.

He stays confused.

With a sigh as response to his cluelessness, she forces her annoyance down. "I'll talk to her later. But if you don't mind-"

And after she lets him into the details - to her surprise - he takes her advice.

**...**

* * *

**...**

"So," he clears his throat. "Ribbons and runners?" Derek takes a seat.

The kids pass them running out to the pool, he waves at them.

"Runner." Fernando automatically corrects him. "It's one...table." He pushes after getting no response, he sits up, his fit easing down. He turns to see his soon to be father-in-law. "See?"

"What?"

"You're looking at me like it's ridiculous."

"I didn't say that." Derek is patient.

"You looked at me like it is."

"You sound like her." He smiles to Fernando, it lightens the mood. His own son isn't too old that he would know what to expect from this and he was considering it was going to be different than listening to Samantha.

He gives him time. When their daughter was in her late teens, fifteen minutes ago, she'd spend summers in Seattle and Addison would advise him to do that.

_Give her some time, Derek. She needs to feel things, she'll cool off. _

_Let her be, just for a moment. She'll talk to you when she's ready._

So he would wait and it worked. Every time.

"I hate this." Are they all made with the same mold? Derek nods, encouraging him to go on. "I hate feeling like I don't understand her."

To Fernando's benefit, this is his area of expertise by now.

"You don't have to, son." He adds a comforting smirk at the end. He can do this. He knows about this. He's suddenly curious how he would have turned out if he had his father around. Who approached them back then? He was once this age too, two families and a lifetime ago.

And then again,'t_his isn't about us' _Addison told him before forcing him to talk to their daughter's fiancé.

"Care. That was my point. Trust me. I've had my rounds already. If you care- You don't have to understand. If you care, it's enough."

"I care!"

"You told her it didn't matter."

"It doesn't!"

"It matters to her." The higher Fernando's pitch goes, the more Derek keeps his tone down. He's hoping he'll mimic.

"It's some chair ribbons and a runner! You- With all due respect, you divorced her mother."

Derek opens his mouth to reply but stops when what he was just told sinks in and Fernando is clearly regretting it, he frowns at his own remark and leans back in his chair.

_Give him a second_.

The young man fixes his gaze on the children's swimming competition. Henry and Zola have won every round and while they celebrate, Bailey and Harper don't seem to get upset, they're not worried about not being enough. There was a time for him too, when he didn't question his skills. Feeling like you're not enough shows up somewhere along the way. Not yet for Samantha's siblings though, they have no business with pearl color.

"I'm sorry." He speaks again.

"I'm trying not to make the same mistakes in this one." Derek disclaims, as if he owed him an explanation for his failed first marriage. He might know he doesn't, but it still feels right to bring it up. "I would have done things a little differently."

"Three kids later."

"Exactly."

"So it's working."

"It absolutely is." He's not lying, the sight of his children is a friendly reminder. His marriage with Meredith has made him less impulsive. They trust each other enough so they don't breathe challenge. He wouldn't admit it out loud before, but he learnt a lot. Addison meant his biggest lesson, he's grateful they let each other go and try again, be better. "But, you don't have to wait until after my Sammy to understand that. I-" He gets defensive at the idea of Fernando thinking fondly of his daughter after having hurt her in any possible way, but he sees him shake his head immediately.

"I love her."

Derek nods. "I know. And she's my daughter, I have to say that, but I also mean it."

"Things are just. She's-"

"Complicated." He's brought back to what is really happening and not his protective predictions.

"I'm sorry."

He just laughs and shakes his head. "Her mother though, that's the full version. Sam is only half."

"Oh, I didn't mean-"

"No, you're fine. We're fine."

He would like to know if Jake feels like he's enough and manages to keep Addison happy while he couldn't, not in the end at least. But like the rest of his doubts and most of his inconvenient wonders, he suppresses the thought and stands up to go find his wife.

"You called me son." Fernando adds in closure.

"Isn't that what you are now?"

**...**

* * *

**...**

"Sammy, if I ask you something, will you not tell mom?" Harper comes close to the edge of the pool, Zola left her in Henry's company after Meredith asked them out. They were promised this was the day they could stay longer but the day went by in the blink of an eye. Shortly the adults will start running around rushing them.

"What?" Before her older sister gets a chance to reply, she swims away at the sight of her mother.

"She's convinced you're hiding the cookie jar like we do back home." Addison eyes Harper who pretends not to hear them and starts diving underwater. She's stretching the time that's left. Before-

"Henry!" There it is.

"Mom, please." Henry pleads without success and starts swimming to get out, tugging his sister against her protest. "Whatever we were here all day." He tells her in complicity.

Harper walks into the towel Addison was holding out for her. She knows better than to ask again so she obligues and goes after her brother.

"Her sweet tooth is still a thing. She didn't get that from me."

**...**

* * *

**...**

On the way to their room, Harper stops in her tracks.

A ray of golden hour sunlight calls her attention, it's bringing out the contours of the prettiest jar her eyes have seen.

Sitting by the window, waiting for her.

Calling for her.

She was right.

There's an obstacle. She knows she can't enter other people's rooms without their permission and Maru isn't around.

She could wait and ask her later.

Or perhaps go in, take the risk.

"Harper!" her brother makes her whimper in surprise and she swats him in response. "What's wrong with you? I was going to tell you Dad said we could go to the playroom before dinner if we get ready first."

**...**

* * *

**...**

Once the patio is cleared, she checks her watch and counts on Jake to take on their children for a little while. She sits down at the edge of the pool, the water around her shins feels cool and soothing.

They both alternate one foot in front of the other, until Addison nudges Samantha's with hers. They beam at each other.

A few seconds go by.

"Are you okay?"

Sammy shrugs, her feet still dancing in the water. She should start getting ready.

"Samantha."

"We chose. It's fine." She went with Fernando to The Club to meet their planner, they settled in the end. _Dusty rose_. It turned out to contrast better with the rest of the set up.

"You mean rose gold?"

"Don't call it that! It sounds- it's dusty rose."

Addison is trying hard not to laugh. Sammy's serious.

"You can't gloat!"

"Why would I gloat?" She puts her hands up in truce.

"I didn't let anyone help me and _you told me so._" Samantha lowers her voice to try to imitate her mother's.

"You're independent."

"You hate that."

"I'm your mother, of course I do. That doesn't mean I'm glad Sharon's service is bad."

"It was just this one thing. I'm okay, mom."

Addison nods and lingers. She believes her, her daughter doesn't dwell. She might act humbled when people suggest Samantha got the best of both her parents, their words, not hers. But she sees her ex-husband's calm in those eyes that couldn't set in one shade of blue, like right now they mirror the color of the water. She could stare forever.

Except they need to get ready.

She pats Sammy's leg, partly for support to stand up. "Henry and Harper need me to rush them so-"

She's stopped by her daughter's hand on hers. What was it they always said? That they had the same hands. Strong and delicate at once.

"Will you...Can you stay a little longer?"

She hasn't let go of her hand.

"Of course."

**...**

* * *

**...**

Sharon's reputation was starting to come back after rehearsal went by as planned. Her timing worked in tune with theirs and in the end, dusty rose did look better than pearl. They head back from The Club and Padre Juan joins them.

The kids agreed to stick to their curfew at Fernando's concession of driving them in the golf cart.

They hope tomorrow won't be any different.

Derek is the last to come down for dinner, he pulls out the chair next to Meredith with a monitor in hand. Ellis was having a hard time staying in bed.

He's greeted back by Maru, only Addison's expressive eyebrows make him shift in slight self consciousness.

It's amusing that she would still let him get on her nerves.

So he's wearing this suit, it's not like she didn't see him before, she was in the rehearsal too. It was not on purpose.

What's possible is that she didn't get a chance to shame him then and saved her inner rage for when the time felt right.

He catches her staring and she's proud of her self-control for not saying anything. She's trying her best not to throw her wine at him for not understanding she's offended he kept it in the first place.

But no one's inside her head so she can hate him in peace there.

"I'm just very glad everyone made it. I know you have very busy lives." Maru's voice reigns amidst the table. She's thankful someone else leads conversation, nothing has gone wrong and at this point, she's trusting nothing will. "Carolyn, she was the only exception, I wish she could've made it."

Unless they bring up sensitive topics but hopefully this one will go by fast.

"She couldn't make it, she's sorry." Derek excuse his mother. It must be true, but Addison feels uncomfortable that he said it looking at her. Like he's assuming he needs to prevent her from whatever indiscretion he expects her to say. It stopped being her business and she doesn't need to know. Aside from the fact that Samantha asked for comprehension on not wanting to invite anyone else in their extended family.

"I know." _Don't make this about yourself_, she takes a note to self. Her ex-husband was probably talking to everyone present but it felt like that because he's sitting right across from her.

But at Meredith's sarcastic nod Sammy stays defensive.

"Nana loves me. She really couldn't make it. And that's okay."

They're surgeons, all of them. If they could make it, how could a person whose vocation is baking not?

Addison keeps it to herself. And takes a long sip of the wine glass she's holding.

"I've talked to her on the phone, I like her." Maru unfolds her hand fan and starts swinging it. If only Bizzy could see.

Hear.

"Of course you do." Addison smiles at her, with patience. And kindness.

Jake pours himself more wine and refills her recently emptied glass, mere habit.

"I'm sorry about your , though. I heard." What takes her aback isn't the condolences but the fact that she had just channeled her mother.

Which calls for another long sip.

"Thank you." She's breathing, and the wine works. She's actually surprised of how smooth it all starts to feel. They're past her ex-mother-in-law now, she's managed to stay friendly.

"Where is she resting?" Padre Juan asks. He's making conversation.

"Um. No, her ashes were spread with her partner's in our-"

"Ashes? Oh." Padre Juan interrupts, his tone gentle.

They don't ask _who_ that partner was and she's thankful. God forbid.

Maru starts coughing, her manicured hand reaching for water.

"Yes." Addison finishes her glass again.

"You… didn't bury them?" Padre seems interested, she could ask why but they're just talking.

"No."

"Maybe we should talk about something less morbid." Maru suggests after clearing her throat audibly.

Addison nods in agreement but while her husband pours her more wine, she tries to understand. "Why are you-? I'm sorry I'm just curious that you're asking."

Padre gently nods. Perhaps he wanted to share his views. "Well, burying people used to be the more...traditional way. Although times change and it's understandable that you don't stick to biblical statement. I know you guys are not- I understand." He's not judging them at least, "But for those of faith it might be the ideal. For example, I'm still sorry I couldn't attend Fernando's burial. I was out of the country."

"Burial?" Sammy asks and Fernando grabs her hand. No one heard her because Maru is coughing again, holding her water glass with one hand and shaking her hand fan as fast as she can, making her blow dried curls flap.

"It was in, eh, Guadalajara. His grandfather was from there, he, um, we went there. Private. It was all very fast and private."

Before Padre replies, Addison is addressed again by Fernando's mother. "But you mentioned a partner?" Maru rushes the attention away from her. For once.

"The two of them? Hers and your...father?" Padre Juan complies.

"The Captain's alive. Somewhere." Sammy nonchalantly answers for her mother, expecting her chaste tone to change the atmosphere.

"Were they divorced? Before she-you know."

"Yes." Better leave it at that.

"So her ashes are with your stepfather's?" Padre asks.

"Yes."

"Wasn't she homosexual?" Maru is innocently curious.

Addison turns to Sammy whose eyes widen in the same surprise.

"I've never-"

But Maru answers before they ask. "Carolyn told me."

She can't differ if what she feels is a fever or the beginning of a stroke.

Her perceptive husband tries to soothe her by placing his hand on her leg but it doesn't work.

Tension has already risen so might as well hit the high notes.

"Yes, Maru. My mother was a lesbian, my father was adulterous. Full of sin. Just like my divorcing Samantha's father because I slept with his best friend and then he cheated on me with his current wife. Then we both remarried and had children with other people. You can keep your high horse, we're not even trying, it's fine. It's perfect."

A heavy silence falls.

"We don't mind." Maru speaks first. "We're all different. It's not wrong. If some people are perverted…"

"_Mamá." _Fernando breaks his promise to himself of not interfering in Samantha's family but his desire to prevent more passive aggression is stronger.

"We're no one to point at you. We're all flawed, I was never suggesting otherwise. I apologize." Padre Juan tries to ease the thick air.

"You didn't say anything wrong." Derek reassures him. Because after all, he's right and it wasn't about the priest's questions. But Addison is too far out of herself to pause and be selective on who started.

"Addison." The way she scoffs at her ex-husband gives away how worse this could get and Jake tries once again to gently take her wine glass from her hand.

But she's either standing up and abandoning everyone to fly back home or changing the subject. Instead she proposes a toast. "To the adorable bride and her groom." Although a little comeback never hurts "We should- let's get along. I mean we're all the way down here in...Texas." Addison stretches the last word with a smile. She knows how to play judge too.

"You live _all the way down_ in LA." Derek frowns at her sarcasm. What's offensive is that he's being looked down on too but of course he would convert before taking her side.

"Which is almost Tijuana" Fernando murmurs to Samantha.

"Don't let her know." She hushes him.

"You live _all the way up _in Washington" Addison allows herself to reply in the tone she wishes she could use on her future in law.

"Okay. Mom?" Samantha tries to reason.

"What does that have to do with anything?" Derek seems to forget his perfectly kind and adaptable role. Forgiving who? If it's about her, he might be willing to risk his image.

"_Derek._" Meredith murmurs in an attempt to keep him from bursting further.

"Oh I thought we were stating geographical nonsense." Addison pours more wine in her glass, a little over etiquette's amount and cheers on her husband's glass, it clacks sharply, his hand reaches out to steady it before it spills. She gulps down half of it.

"This is not just that, it's San Antonio, Stone Oak, The Club at Sonterra." Maru re-opens her hand fan, her bangles clacking -again, always- with enough harmony it could pass as a tune.

She chokes down laughter, "None of that means anything, but it's good to be reminded, I guess." She says to herself as loud as possible, breaking her own_ peace and respect_ rule.

"Addison." Jake hisses.

She shrugs. "We're allowed to say things like that in this twilight zone, honey, it's fine." She clicks her glass against his stilled one. "Cheers, again." And she downs the rest of it.

"Jake?" Samantha urges.

Addison softens when she turns to her daughter. "We're fine. This isn't about you."

"No, Mom. Don't worry. I know it's about you, everything is always about you."

"Samantha." Derek keeps his tone down.

"Just like dad. And it's probably the reason you were attracted to each other anyway, until I showed up and you still had to make it about you too so you went and found where to do that."

"Alright that's it." Derek calls out firmly.

"It's okay, Dad. We all like playing saint."

"Saints?" Maru laughs out loud. The restriction game was over a while ago. "I _have_ to disagree." She adds and is thankfully ignored.

"Maybe it is better if we end up moving here permanently."

"That's enough!" her father's raised voice startles her "you're hurting your mother."

"And that's only fine when _you_ do it." Derek walks away with the intention of not letting his anger make a bigger scene. He was always more considerate with Samantha.

She made them think twice.

Although, twice wasn't enough for them in the end.

Addison turns to them with a hand up before they move. "I'll talk to him."

**...**

* * *

**...**

Keeping balance with both his hands on the island, Derek is catching his breath in the darkened kitchen.

The motion sensor light from the patio's entrance flicks on.

He looks up to see Addison sliding the door open.

She has her hand on his back when the light from outside goes out. They don't move. Neither of them seem to mind.

"You know she didn't mean that." She comforts him. Her voice small and hoarse. How are they the same people belting out on each other mere minutes ago?

They breathe in tune. Taking their own advice and giving each other_ some time. _

Enough for them to revisit what just happened.

"It's not okay, Addie. I, what she said." He straightens up to lean on the island next to her. They mirror each other's posture.

"Derek, it's not true."

"I don't think it's fine to hurt you."

"Derek."

"No. You think what we've done- Addison, I never hurt you on purpose."

Her eyes are narrowed in thought.

She doesn't reply until after she let those words find a place to stay at. Still, she can't avoid the truth. "We _have_ though. We have hurt each other on purpose before."

"Not the worst stuff."

"Not the worst stuff."

"You just agreed with me."

"We agree on things."

"We agree on this."

"Why are you wearing this?"

The linen suit. They didn't agree on that. She bought it for him and he swore he was never going to wear it because no occasion would demand him to imperson a yacht club member.

He kept it.

He built a house next to a lake and took fishing trips, not quite yacht club style, but he has a family size boat.

And he wore the suit for their daughter's rehearsal dinner.

"It was neutral dress code." He says before she mentions anything else, when her fingers took life of her own to toy with the cuff of his right sleeve. The fabric between her thumb and index finger feels soft and starched at the same time.

"I know what you said to Fernando." She was not going to let him know, but she just decided she's not going to hold it back.

_I would have done things differently._

"He told her." She explains.

"And she told you." He completes.

She doesn't urge him to elaborate, he knows this game. She's expecting him to say more. He doesn't have to follow her lead anymore.

Unless he wants to.

It's not a purposeful challenge. It's just Addison. At least the one he knows. Back when he still couldn't forgive himself for their mutual flaws, he was selfish enough to think she was herself only around him and we would genuinely worry for who was going to meet that version of her in the future.

Before everything.

He shrugs. "Learnt the lesson. I had a great teacher."

Her eyes glimmer in response. It's easier to tell here, with only the refrigerator's screen to offer well defined shadows.

"For you to admit that._ I_ was one hell of a professor."

"You do complain less."

"Was that a note?"

"No notes. Simple feedback."

"No notes mean 'great job'."

His perfume is the same and she could call him on it. She's had to change so many things in the last decade, from her name to her style, her signature scent left behind in between those.

"Like I said, lesson learnt." This might be the first time in their lives she wishes he stopped talking. _Their_ lives. They don't have a shared life anymore. Since long enough that they have full families of their own with other people.

The tiles on the floor must have moved on their own. They're somehow standing too close.

Close enough that he can see how her lips are wine stained.

Almost three decades later and her upper lip still twitches.

He used to tease her on how bad of an actress she'd be if she were to pursue it. Her body betrayed her first, beyond her efforts and control to hide what she felt.

He was the first person in her life to notice, or so she said.

He studies her when she takes the smallest step back, he rocks back slightly. He can't swear in the dimmed room but can perfectly picture how the flush on her skin disappears in the collar of her blouse, he wonders if she still blushes all the way to her cleavage.

"I'm sorry." He mutters as if she could read his mind. It's hard to breathe.

She's unable to move but manages to slightly shake her head once. "Don't."

He stays still.

"You're not doing anything." She says what she might have meant before.

But she also knows he was probably apologizing in advance.

**...**

* * *

**...**

"Look, I'm sorry. I guess that calls it." Maru says after Padre Juan's attempt to rescue the party.

"It definitely does." Meredith takes the baby monitor before standing up.

Samantha has remained listening to their forced banter wiping involuntary tears away once they reach her neck. Fernando hasn't left her side.

"Sam, come on." He squeezes her hand and helps her up.

**...**

* * *

**...**

"Derek." Her voice is lost when she tries to sigh but his lips are already molded against hers. It's too gentle and slow she could swear time stops.

They both allow it.

It's been forever but their bodies kept no track.

When she tries to gently push him away, all her senses allow her to do is softly bite his lower lip. She draws him closer, if possible at all. He's pressing her back against the kitchen counter, his hand runs up her thigh, lifting the thin fabric of her skirt along the way.

A flash makes them jump apart.

Their vision blurs when the light of the patio abruptly goes on.

When it clears, what they see is an audience of astonished people frozen behind the glass.

_**...**_

* * *

_Thank you for reading. I beg a review._


	3. Friday - After

_**Author's notes: Hi amigos! I am still very impressed and grateful that you're reading and are bearing with me. To those reviewing as a guest: I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share your thoughts. To those who are reading, I appreciate you too, very much. **_

_**Now on to the late update of this is very short chapter that follows the same night we caught addek, we saw them in the bright light right before things got worse- or better, whatever. **_

_**So, let's go back. **_

_**Lights went on.**_

* * *

...

* * *

**Friday | After**

For a moment, none of them move. The glass serving as a convenient barrier.

"Samantha." Addison looks at their daughter before focusing on anything else. In a leap she's by the sliding door, her skirt falling down in place before she thought of adjusting it at all.

It all happens too fast, they start moving and not leaving enough gaps of silence to hear themselves think.

* * *

Padre Juan clears his throat and places a hand on Maru's shoulder. "I'm taking the, um, the other entrance."

"I knew they were on to something-" Maru ignores his calling.

"It's probably better if you do too." the priest speaks among everyone else's rambling.

"This is my house. I'm not going anywhere."

"Mamá." Fernando nods to Padre Juan and surprisingly María Eugenia does take his lead. "Please guide him out."

"He knows his way out."

"Mamá this is none of your business_. Por favor_." she wants to hiss at him for bossing at her, but she makes an extra effort to mind him and finally takes the living room entrance. Padre Juan gently takes off and she takes the stairs up to her room.

* * *

Samantha starts walking off the opposite way, but stops first, it's the dining room and she'd have to cross the kitchen to go upstairs.

Addison takes advantage of her hesitation to open the door and try to reach for her. She looks past Jake, whose poker face tells her this will be worse than she'd prefer. One of her hand raises to brush his arm and he fends her off.

He shakes her head and steps to stand between Samantha and his wife, almost as if he's forgotten she was Derek's daughter first. "That's enough for today." And his tone firm, hurt. Predictably so.

"Meredith."

"No, Derek. It's not like it would be the first time."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sammy's astonishment brings them all to regret what this implies.

A heavy silence weighs in. Every step that's lead them all to here sinks in.

"Meredith. It's not like that. It wasn't like that-"

Last time Meredith had an encounter of this sort, they were heading out to dinner, he stopped her by she shoulder from turning to the hospital's main entrance and barely had the time to mutter _I'm so sorry_ before an eager ginger child almost tackled him by the waist calling him_ dad,_ followed by Addison who was the envision of confidence. She ran away and he was able to explain later.

* * *

"Mom?" Bailey comes downstairs in the midst of the horrible silence and the other kids stay behind when they hear he's sent back to bed.

They all stay and listen. They do their best to keep Ellis from making a sound.

"You were- You were already together when we moved there?" Sam puts the story together on her own. Years of thinking both her parents were equally to blame for their separation, work distancing them, her mother cheating once and her father too. Both of which she had found out later in her life, and they always kept the specifics to themselves. As public as they were.

Their daughter was aware mostly of their versions and what little they let her witness.

"No, no. She didn't know anything about me at the time, we didn't know yet-" Derek addresses his daughter.

"That I wasn't just a one night stand?" Meredith completes.

* * *

"What is a one night stand?" Bailey asks upstairs, they're able to hear the louder words.

"Sounds like a party." Harper shrugs.

"Shut up!" Henry hisses at them. He's trying to listen.

"Like when you dance on one leg and it's late at night?" Zola asks and they all try to hop, which makes Ellis burst out in laughter. They all fuss around her to shush her but in fear that it might be too late and they could get caught they rush to their rooms leaving her behind on the corridor.

She starts crying.

* * *

Ellis' shriek makes them all turn toward the stairs and Samantha's quick to go past Meredith and Derek to the arch that leads to the second floor.

"I'll go." she says without turning back. Addison tries to follow her and she pushes her hand away as she tried to grab her.

"Honey."

"No." her daughter pleads and it breaks her heart because she sounds like she's at last allowing herself to cry.

* * *

Samantha stops when she turns to the stairs and catches Maru at the top of the steps by the banister. She fidgets anxiously and yells up.

"Niños! Back to bed! Oh my God, I came out to tell them it's late, they were trying to listen I guess." she tries to justify her obvious peeping and finds the door to her room and Sammy ignores her lifting up her youngest crying sister.

* * *

"I'm so sorry." Addison turns to Jake and starts walking after her daughter but she's faced with Fernando who has a hand up, keeping a fair distance.

"I...Dr. I'm sorry, with all due respect..." she ignores him and keeps on walking but his arm is across the way up now. She looks at him in disbelief, her eyes questioning his audacity. "I, um- just, maybe we can give her some space."

Fernando looks back at Derek for approval. After all, it's his advice he's taking.

"That was my baby, so if you don't mind," Meredith motions for him to let her pass. He does. Derek stays right behind her.

* * *

Once they reach the open door to their room, they see Samantha inside rocking Ellis back to sleep, Meredith grabs the door knob, Zola and Bailey are pretending to be asleep on the sofa bed. She makes sure she's out of their earshot.

"There's plenty of space to sleep somewhere else, Derek." he opens his mouth to reply and she's fast to hush him. "We're not doing this here. Good night."

He's still facing the door when he hears Samantha's attempt to take a deep breath, it's supposed to prevent her from crying but it always worked more as a booster.

_I know._ It's the last he hears Meredith say before he decides he's not supposed to be here.

* * *

...

* * *

"Were you sent away too?"

"No." _Not now. Our children are here. _Jake said when they walked into their bedroom and she tried to reason. She didn't miss how he wasn't petty to say _my_ and he never has, but old habits die hard on her, so when it's her who has the chance to use their kids in her favor, she does. He uses them as an excuse not to fight and she does when it's to manipulate him. Her husband is always the better person, he restrains from fighting her. Always has. The guilt that weights in her stomach is all on her. "I can't sleep." She adds. She doesn't ask him what happened after they each tried talking to their respective spouses, she doesn't want to know.

They stare at each other.

"You're drinking." he points to the glass she's holding on to.

"I was, um...feeling stuff so-"

He leans in. It's probably gravity, not intention. He's not sure he's sobered up yet.

"Not like that." she leans back a little. Unnoticeably.

His forehead rests against hers, they take a few breaths as one, a wave of heat strikes the back of her ears. Blindly, she leaves her wine glass next to her on the kitchen island to free her hand and try to push his face away from hers. She's not strong enough, because it's him and she doesn't really want to move. They have to move, it's different. His head is against her chest. She wants to see it as surrender. A truce offer.

Her fingers, with life of their own, tangle in his hair. Always smooth, it's been so long and no time at all.

Well, in truth, literally not that long because right before they were caught-

"Derek!" her response is to pull his curls back after she feels his lips pressed against the thin fabric of her dress. High cut, almost turtle neck, yet sheer and well, this dress was supposed to be discreet. A single button holding it together in the back of her neck, the ribbon attached to its skirt is still gracefully hugging her waist, hanging loosely right where her lower back dips.

The problem is, one can't really unsee a person's body once you've memorized all soft curves and sharp edges.

He's taken a step back and is letting her study his full figure. Wasn't he fully dressed in that linen suit? -one she bought- let's not forget.

She sees him breathe through the open buttons of his shirt. It's muscle memory that has her reach out to bring him closer.

"I can't- I can't do this to him." she somehow manages to mutter.

She gathers enough strength to try to leave but he grabs her wrist before she walks past him. "Did you stop and think like this when you slept with Mark?" he flinches, finding his own banter insulting.

"How dare you?" she thinks of Jake helping Samantha with school work long before they had anything to do with each other, Jake claiming Henry as his own, Jake taking her hand in his and telling her the past didn't matter after Mark's death, Jake looking after her every breath when she was pregnant with Harper. She doesn't know what it's like to miss him. Not once. "That was different."

"How different, Addison? You were in love with him- _thought_ you were."

"I was angry at you. I was going insane, Derek. This is not- There's no...shared fault here."

"Share- Why do you always blame me too? You cheated on me."

"You cheated first."

"I didn't sleep with anyone before that."

"There are other ways of cheating."

He's silent and she might be able to add this to the few times she's fairly won an argument with him. They never quit until they could call it a tie.

Until she grew too tired to fight back and let him have it for good.

_Lost and found. _

She considers asking him if he expected her to fight back, in a brief mental plot twist where he left Meredith's underwear for her to find as a challenge, a way to define their new standard, he could have been raising the bar and she could have tried calling him out on it. Not walking away, calling Mark for both physical and emotional support. Surrendering.

Maybe their new lives _are_ entirely her fault.

00:00. The refrigerator's display changes. It lights up the right side of his face for the second it lasts, when she looks down to avoid his eyes, the ring on his left hand reminds her it was all still true.

"We agreed to disagree on that, Derek." she reminds him but she also needs to hear it out loud. "I don't want to- let's just not-" she has trouble keeping a steady tone, trying not to cry and scream at the same time.

00:01. The blue light goes on again. When she's brave enough to look up, sensing him closer, a single tear starts rolling down.

He kisses it away before it reaches her cheek. His lips are warm, her skin is warmer.

She closes her eyes.

One more tear.

He does it again.

00:02. The screen flashes. He feels her hand on his chest, pushing back.

"Addie…" he begins in a whisper, his intention isn't keeping his tone low, she's just close enough to hear him.

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." She fully steps back, her cheeks burn, she can feel them under her cold fingers when she covers her face with her hands to take a deep long breath.

"Talk about it."

"Not now." She emulates Jake, swipes the rest of her tears off. "Our daughter is getting married-"

00:03. She sees the clock change behind him. "Today."

"We, um-"

"We wait, Derek."

He nods. "We wait." He's running out of breath, his chest is tight and he knows best, it's the combination of everything. It's a natural response. He's been drinking, We'll, uh, pause. And then-"

"After. We'll...sort this out."

Their eyes lock, she could swear that if she stares enough, she could see her reflection in his.

She's not scared this time, when he leans in again and kisses her jaw.

He slowly draws back and smiles warmly at her.

Her teeth when she grins, remind him of when he used to tease her and kiss them. When he'd make her laugh and she couldn't return the gesture with her lips. So he'd kiss her teeth first. On purpose.

"_After_ it is." he says to himself after she tries walking past him.

She looks back at him, he's holding on to her. His grip so strong it's almost uncomfortable.

00:05. She missed the minute before that. She was keeping track.

And now his lips are on her neck, his fingers found the button of the collar on her nape.

It's when her bare back touches the cold floor that she considers it's a good time to stop, they're in the same spot this began and if that interruption wasn't enough for them to know better, she doesn't know what else could.

She's lost track already.

Might as well go on like that.

They're quiet but not soft and she's still conscious enough not to follow her desire to mark him, as frantic as this is, years have made her a little less selfish. They don't know what will happen tomorrow, she asked him to wait to figure things out, and they might. Later, _after._ They're allowing themselves to drawn in each other.

They're careful not to bruise. Time taught them well, this could imply they're not destructive for each other anymore. She's pleased to realize she doesn't recognize herself anymore, she's not the person she meticulously built after him, the stranger she learnt to inhabit. She's gloriously reacquainting with her old self, explosive and corrosive, as they had carved each other together.

She wishes she knew this before, take two steps back. It's far too late, his skin merging with hers, his tongue tasting of scotch and she's excusing herself for how addictive she forgot he was. This is not her fault. It's either that very good wine, his lingering scent, or this place.

The last thought that crosses her mind is that Sonterra feels indeed like Heaven on Earth.

* * *

...

* * *

_**TBC. **_

_**Where was this place when we needed it?! **_

_**Dear reader: I'm sorry for how awful this turned, it was going to be chaste. **_

_**BUT Addison and Derek don't really like to be dragged around by my intentions or my dumb plot that was like 100 words and now it's a messy knot. **_

_**I'm honestly having a blast and this is not intended to offend anyone, they're aware of what they're doing, I have better morals, I swear! **_

_**I'm also keeping my promise that no one will be permanently broken. **_

_**Plus, next chapter where the wedding happens and she lets him talk to her about this, is almost done and will be up before the weekend. If you may pretty please review I will owe you.**_


	4. Saturday

**A/N: **_**We're back in Sonterra, although it's still the same weekend for everyone there. **_

_**I pushed myself to post this tonight knowing well I'll find more corrections that I already tried to. But I really don't want to stretch the update for longer since I have zero discipline and have been editing this for weeks already.. **_

_**For everyone reviewing as a guest: thank you to pieces for commenting! **_

_**Have a great almost weekend and let's all pretend it's Saturday while this chapter lasts.**_

* * *

**...**

* * *

**Saturday | Wedding day**

"Dear Sammy(...)" Meredith takes a deep breath.

Polished. Intact. Stronger than them all.

She has a perfectly steady pulse holding the champagne glass. The only thing she sees is her stepdaughter, beautiful as ever. Gracefully expectant. Porcelain skin and her father's eyes.

Derek turns pale, this is how it must feel before fainting. He searches for his ex wife's face across the table and Addison reads him when their eyes meet. It's almost as if- but it can't be. Unless…

_They know?_

* * *

**Earlier**

The kids are rushing to the pool. They heard they didn't have to get ready for brunch today, all adults are coming in and out of every room. Whether they're avoiding each other or genuinely busy, it's up to who's watching.

Henry notices his sister was left behind when they got to the first floor.

"Guys, wait. Where's Harp?" he tells Zola and Bailey after having called her three times already.

They find her past the linen closet, which was scary to even peak at.

It's Maru's room, the door is half open, she's standing on a chair that she pushed toward a shelf on the window next to the balcony. Her hands clinging onto a container that is too impractical for her liking, she had never seen a cookie jar that looked as elaborate as this one.

"_Harper_" when Henry whispers her name in fear of getting caught, she's holding the lid of the jar, about to put it back.

"I thought they were hiding cookies here but it's full of sand." She says disappointed. Her brother's hiss making her uncomfortable, he sounds like their mother.

* * *

Addison is sitting outside, her focus set on a leaf that is falling in the middle of the pool.

Lost and lonely, looking perfectly healthy. It's not exclusive of humans to fall off their branch and end up where they're not supposed to. She applies this to herself and her ex husband, it works both ways, they were both mistaken to tear each other apart way back when, and they are both mistaken now having done what they did.

She's also aware that the metaphor is too stretched now.

What followed her absolutely unplanned encounter with Derek, was a restless night. She expected the long steamy shower she took to ease down the rush they involuntarily provoked. That, along with the guilt it caused that she wasn't exactly regretting it. She spent the rest of the night watching the frame of his sleeping son next to her on the bed she was supposed to share with her husband. Of course Jake left the bed to her, he took the sofa bed when he found a way to mumble how they weren't going to argue in front of their children, he came up with a slumber party idea and Harper insisted on staying there with him. As for Henry, he was always loyal to her first.

A sharp knock makes her jump.

The small statue of a saint is placed on the table, the sound against the protective glass was intentional, she looks up to a mischievous Maru.

"San Antonio." Maru raises her eyebrows, takes the seat next to her. At least someone is still willing to approach her. "The patron of relationships. Single women pray to him." she flips the statue around so it rests upside down, "Like that. _Voltear santos, _the tìas say. It means you put him on his head and he'll bring a husband to you."

"A husband?" Addison repeats in disbelief.

"I mean, however this turns out, you can take him."

She could laugh, be offended even. The truth is that she doesn't have the certainty to tell Maru that she doesn't need to consider she's lost her current husband. They're taking time to not make this situation worse, Jake has always been discreet, he's been impulsive in the past and that didn't go well, or so he says, it's not a part of him that she has ever witnessed, but she believes him. Despite it all, she hasn't lost her husband, not officially anyway. Unlike Maru, who is an actual widow and has no way back.

"How come he hasn't given you one?" in another part of her life she would consider this question invasive and none of her business but this place has made a point already, boundaries are not really a thing.

"Uy, no." she looks up to the sky. "I will forever love my Nando."

Addison purses her lips, "I love my Jake." she thought she was done crying.

"And Derek?"

Silence.

She will always love Derek, she could say _of course I do, he's my daughter's father_. If only that were the only reason why. It's not something she's allowed to admit to herself, let alone to anyone else. And she stopped revisiting that subject over a decade ago.

Her lack of response makes Maru shake her head, with a sense of incredibility, like she knows something Addison doesn't. Her green eyes deep under her golden eyeshadow, "You know, I'd feel sorry for you. But you're already doing it enough for yourself so-" Maru shrugs and drinks up. She offered mimosas and everyone took them to their preferred sulking spot.

No early breakfast, no brunch today, it's wedding day. Everyone is supposed to be fussing, coming and going with last minute details. And they are, except all family members were kindly asked out of any planning and that Sharon girl is the one rushing in and out of the house with an army of Sonterra dream makers.

"That's a...quote from somewhere, I'm almost sure. And that's not how it's phrased."

"Yeah. They say it often in the movies, I felt like it was appropriate to use it now."

Dark gray dust falls from the balcony.

* * *

"This is your fault" Zola is covering Bailey's mouth with one hand while keeping him closer to her with the other.

The vase is only mildly scratched at the top. Harper is still holding it, she's hugging it as if her life depended on it. Tears keep rolling down her cheeks, she's not caring to wipe them.

It all happened too fast.

"Someone's coming." Zola rushes them from her spot at the door but Bailey is trying to climb on the chair to peak at the jar himself.

"Stop. Leave that there, you're getting us in trouble!" Henry tugs at Bailey's shirt but his stepbrother is already holding on to Harper's waist for balance. She puts her arms up to protect the jar which makes her stumble and drop it so she wouldn't fall.

The jar starts rolling out the balcony's open door until it's stopped by the railing, leaving a trail of said grey sand along the way.

Harper is freezing while the rest of them hurry out trying to keep the sand in, but by the time they're out the wind has taken it away.

* * *

"Should we worry?" Samantha asks.

"Let's see." Fernando sees Maru from the balcony of their room, she's wandering in circles, a rosary twisted around her hand. "Oh, no."

The major sign of disaster: a silk handkerchief neatly knotted on her head. Flower print contrasting her silver hair.

"What?" Sammy joins him and looks over his shoulder.

"Mamá is wearing that thing."

"It's a scarf."

"No, no. It's _El Pañuelo_." he turns to his fiancé to see her puzzled face, "It's the sign of a drastic loss, it's like, um, declared sadness. Grief. Deep, heartfelt tragedy...what?" he asks when he sees Samantha putting the story together.

"Not everything was thrown away."

"The jar is intact, Sam."

She shakes her head, "That's how she knew Harper had been there! I told you some of it went away." Fernando's cheek start to flush the more she speaks. "With the wind." She finishes.

He shakes his head and tries to explain further, "I checked it! If anything flew away it was not-" he stops to make a silent sign of the cross. "It wasn't noticeable even." He puts a hand on his chest, "Your parents are in the middle of something serious too and I, do you want to talk more about it?"

"Those were your _father's ashes_, hun."

"Am I being insensitive? " She hugs him while she assures him he's being the opposite. "My parents were … being themselves. It's nothing. I don't want to think about that anymore, please, please. Let's focus on the handkerchief. "

Samantha feels him nod against her hair. He goes on to change the subject. "She's taking it too far." They lean over to try to hear what she's saying but she's coming inside the house. "They wear that only when- it's _for sadness not to leave the body_."

"Is it a bad thing that they're a little, um, scattered now? Forget I said that, it's awful."

"That's not it. She told everyone that we buried him in Guadalajara."

"But why is it so bad that you didn't?"

"Her prayer group and Padre Juan." Before she asks more questions he clarifies, "If you turn someone to ashes, it's like you're saying you don't believe in resurrection." His fiancé's eyes widen. "And we're supposed to. But that's exclusive of an almost ancient belief. I don't know what to tell you. They're not practical."

That much is rather obvious. No more than twenty minutes ago, the moment Addison and Maru were having was abruptly interrupted by a subtle wave of dark grey thin sand that she immediately identified as her late husband as soon as she turned up to see the kids running into her room from the balcony. It was a blur because by the time Fernando and Samantha heard the fuss, they entered the room next door to find that she was helplessly crying clinging to the jar saying it was her punishment for not having told their priest the truth. While Zola detailed what had happened and saying it was partly everyone's fault until Harper burst into sobs confessing it had been only her.

At least for that brief moment that felt longer than it lasted, everyone was speaking to each other trying to sort out apologies and support.

Then they all disappeared throughout the villa and the uncomfortable silence was back.

"So, what happens now?" Sammy asks.

"Hopefully nothing at all." He glances at his wrist watch to consider how much time they have before they have to start getting ready. "I'm just going to check on her."

Fernando leaves the room with Samantha behind him.

* * *

"_You know_ I am sorry about last night. You said you didn't want to talk to me, or talk about it, I don't know if this is one of those times you're just going to let it pass or we're going to have an intervention in two weeks in private, Jake. And I am respecting that."

They slow down as they reach the last steps to the first floor when they hear Addison and Jake in the kitchen.

"Please, let's not. I'm taken aback that's all. I meant that about Harper. I apologized to Maru." Jake mutters to the floor because he hasn't looked at his wife in eye since she left the table last night.

"I did too. And so did they." but Addison isn't a quitter so she eagerly looks for his face.

He silently nods. "Good. I'll talk to Harper."

"Jake." She almost pleads in a low voice when he finally gives in and locks his eyes with hers.

He shakes his head, as if he were reliving their past day and trying hard to see past it. "It'll be okay." He says, more to himself. He takes off to go find the kids outside.

"Hey!" She bumps into her daughter as she's turning her back on her husband, her pitch too high. She clears her throat. "Hi. Sorry." She sees Fernando to whom she adds another apology.

"Will you join me in the chapel, please?" Maru stops on her way past the kitchen and asks her son when he sees him among their guests.

He turns to his fiancé who is tensely standing next to a tense Addison. She nods for Fernando to go.

"Are you still...we were going to get ready together?" Sammy asks, anyone could swear nothing was happening between them, that they don't have a long pending talk. Addison eagerly says _yes._

* * *

**...**

* * *

It felt as if they were never going to reach this moment.

Addison's coming and going was almost eternal. Alternating between helping her children get ready, avoiding the Shepherd's, her husband and Maru, while making sure the focus was on Samantha.

They had planned her Something Blue for years, Addison's sapphire drop earrings.

Her mother's birthstone, September.

_It can be your something blue. And your something borrowed, they're mine! _She'd tease her.

"You're going to have to find a new something borrowed." What comparison can a pair of earrings have with the entire world Addison knows this bride deserves?

"Seriously?" Sammy's astonished face makes her forget everything she has felt today that is unrelated to the joy of seeing her daughter happy.

She's hugging her for as long as she can.

"I'm, um, I'm sorry that I was giving you space. I know last night-"

Sammy quickly pulls away and covers her ears with her hands, eyes shut tight. "Please don't bring that up. Please."

Addison reaches to uncover her ears and waits until her daughter's shoulders lose tension. "Sammy, the gift has nothing to do with-"

"Mom," She pauses to take a deep breath. "It's okay."

"It isn't. We were always trying to protect you."

"Meredith told me everything. I understand."

It takes everything in her to push down the rather unavoidable truth that Meredith has meant balance in between their dynamic through the past years, as much as Jake has when it comes to her side of the extended family her daughter ended up having.

"I wish we didn't have to- I wish- let me say it." She puts a hand up when she sees Sammy waving at hand in motion to move on past everything. "I swear we would have both done everything very differently."

"We _are_ going back to LA after graduation, Mom. I would never-"

"I know, I know." She studies Samantha, carefully so she won't forget. Ready as ever. For a moment, the sudden lack of rush comes with a wave of all the feelings she was keeping down. She's crying and cursing herself at the same time for not being able to stop.

Sammy's fast to hug her. Joining her at the edge of the bed, she sits by her side. Thankful that she hasn't put on her dress yet.

The softness of Addison's dark silk robe takes her to those days when it was only the two of them and she'd end up sleeping in her bed more often than not. Her mother's figure leaned on the frame of her bedroom's doorframe after a bad dream or an emotional episode from missing her father. Always in that cream colored robe that used to mean comfort for her.

"I'm sorry, honey. I'll stop."

"No, no. You need to let it out. I know it's been stressful for you, mom."

"This isn't about me."

"Maybe it has to be a little. But just right now, okay?"

And they laugh together between tears.

"Our makeup." Addison says.

"We can always retouch it!" Sammy shrugs her worries off and sits back to hug her mother harder.

They've had each other for longer than anyone else.

Sammy Shepherd with the soft lisp that faded in her early teens.

It was them and then there was Henry.

Samantha adjusted to their new lives first. Adapting to everyone and everything as long as they were together.

Less afraid of change.

_Jake likes you, Mom_.

Addison would never not be surprised of how easygoing and perceptive the child of two very complicated people turned out to be.

_How would you feel if I liked him back_?

_We approve! Don't we, Henry?_.

That time, like many others, her baby brother and new best friend would clap along. It didn't take long for Samantha to become his hero too.

And when Addison and Jake went on their honeymoon, she wouldn't let the babysitter take full charge of him.

She was the only person Addison knew who was utterly convinced of how amazing Seattle was when she'd go in summer. Came back with more pictures and drawings from her siblings every time.

"Sammy, what if your father and I had… unfinished business. You know, if we were to _hypothetically speaking _end up - "

"That would be insane, Jake adores you! I love Meredith, I don't think- Mom? You're kidding, right?"

"Absolutely!"

"It's understandable, we're all sensitive. I guess we should all be past last night."

"You're getting married today." Addison says in part for changing the subject but also to ground herself.

"And you're scared to death."

"Honey-"

"I know you think we're too young."

"But you _are_."

"You were three years older than me"

"Look how that went." Even though she swore to herself she wasn't going to bring it up again, she's hoping this is the last time she has to mention it, "You're better than us. You somehow turned out way, _way_ more together. I'm sorry we forced you to be… more mature. Sooner than you had to. I really am."

"I love you."

"Oh." She cries out. "I love you, Sammy."

"We have to stop crying." The laugh together and try to wipe each other's tears away.

"You're getting married." Addison beams as much as she's judging herself for allowing it.

* * *

**...**

* * *

It's time.

They're finished with the last touches on her light veil and Addison is closing the door of Sammy's room to give her a minute before they have to go.

She's heading to the guest room they're staying at to take a last check in case her children missed something but a figure comes into sight before she gets there. She sighs in annoyance. "Are you- can I help you with something?"

"Uh, no. I'm going to her room" Derek points at the door at the end of the hall behind Addison't back, "I'm giving her away and...everyone left to The Club already." He looks around for back up, an absent gesture to make sure he's right before he addresses her again. "We're telling them." He thinks out loud.

"No." Addison firmly responds, attempting to end their interaction right then and going on toward the room.

"Meredith doesn't want to talk to me."

Derek's remark makes her turn back, "Am I supposed to feel sorry for you?"

"Are you not?"

"No."

"She's really upset." He tries again.

"Jake is into a threesome."

"What?"

"He doesn't talk to me either, he's upset too. What do you want from me? Derek-" she interrupts whatever she was trying to say, "We're not supposed to discuss this now."

"Can't we be civilized enough to talk about this the right way? For once."

"What is the right way, Derek?"

"Addison." she waits for him to continue. "This is...confusing."

"What is?"

"You."

"_Derek_." She looks both sides to make sure they're safe to talk, the door to their daughter's room is the only barrier keeping their brief privacy in the hallway. He crosses his arms in motion, like he's waiting for her to say something, do something. His hands distract her first, she's focused on his left and his ring reminds her this scenario is the most alternate universe to what she pictured more than two decades ago.

"We are...too much."

"We always knew that."

"We cheated on each other. Twice."

"You twice. Me, once-"

"Not this again. I've really moved on."

"We're cheating on them." He hisses and frees a hand to run through his hair.

"No, we're not." She snaps in the lowest possible volume. "Heat of the moment. We were sensitive. Just- that's not cheating, they don't know. So far, no one has slept with anyone."

"The only truth there is that we didn't get any sleep, Addison." before she responds he raises his voice, "I thought you said there were other ways of cheating."

"What planet are you on? Meredith loves you. Jake loves me. And it's reciprocal."

"I do. But maybe we were never done."

"Exactly. That's exactly _it._ If only you had admitted that fourteen years ago…"

"What do you think would have happened?"

He taste of bitterness when she swallows held in tears is familiar by now.

"We wouldn't be here hurting other people and parenting all these children with them and Samantha would be getting married on the same year of our 25th anniversary." She's not going to elaborate on that any deeper than they have already. It's not real and it's gone.

"That's- it's this year."

"It was. It _was_ going to be this year. But it shouldn't matter at all. That's not the point."

"You brought it up."

"You asked!"

"You kissed me back."

"You kissed me first."

"Okay. Stop. Stop. You're not supposed to talk to me." She states, her second effort to avoid the conversation. Someone has to keep up with their promises.

Except Addison and Derek have had problems with that before, it lead them up to their present lives, for example.

"_After_. That's right."

"After." She rolls her eyes at him.

* * *

**...**

* * *

The ceremony goes by as a peaceful dream.

The Club's indoor terrace at the top of Sonterra's highest hill is wide and has a breathtaking view. They got married in the sunset light to the sound of The Club's choir (one of Maru's gifts).

While they still sit together after dinner, The Band from The Villa starts tuning the intro music that calls for the beginning of the fun part of the party.

Not before Meredith stands up, champagne in hand. Zola clicking on her empty water glass with a spoon. Apparently not everyone was done with their speech?

She has a perfectly steady pulse holding the champagne glass. The only thing she sees is her stepdaughter, beautiful as ever. Gracefully expectant. Porcelain skin and her father's eyes.

"Dear Sammy:

Thanks to you, I was not afraid to welcome more children into our family.

Always remember, even if things change after this.(...) "

Derek turns pale, this is how it must feel before fainting. He searches for his ex wife's face across the table and Addison reads him when their eyes meet. It's almost as if- but it can't be. Unless...

_They know? _He read her lips.

"(...)You were my first daughter too.

We love you."

When they all clap, Addison turns to Jake, she tries to sense if he's tense, any sign of suspicion. But he begins before she's done.

"Sweetheart:

We were a family since before we knew, because of you. (...)"

Did they plan this without them? She cringes at the thought and also at the fact that _them_ means _AddisonandDere_k which wasn't supposed to ever be a thing again.

"(...) No matter what happens, never doubt you can count on me.

Happy wedding day."

When he sits down, she dares to whisper to him, she's taking advantage of the noise surrounding them. That way, if he doesn't want to reply she can pretend it's because he didn't hear her.

"I- wrote something down for her but I didn't know everyone was sharing? Is this-"

"Oh, _we didn't plan for this to happen_." her husband says in irony, it both horrifies her and hurts her, but she's not holding the high horse right now, "It just-" he shrugs "happened."

When she's mute and obviously hurt, he lets his guard down. Just a notch.

"You can share your words too. I didn't tell you because we're not talking." He says.

"You talked to me just now." She replies as fast as she regrets having said anything at all.

She doesn't have time to apologize for seeming like she's not taking their pending argument seriously because Harper is standing up now.

"Sammy is my hero.

She's my best sister -sorry Zola and Ellis-."

"And me!" Bailey calls out.

"You're not a sister, Bailey." Zola tells him before they get into more arguing.

Harper goes on, "Last year when Henry got lice- "

"Hey!" Henry protests.

"It's only us and we all know Henry Bear." Sammy tries to calm him.

"Go on, baby." Addison has a hand on Harper's back.

The youngest Reily clears her throat for show, "Last year when Henry got lice- "

"Why does she say it again? Mom!" And Jake puts his arms around his son's shoulders. "Let's let her finish, champ."

The boy crosses his arms in disapproval.

"Last year when Henry got lice-" Jake squeezes Henry's shoulder to remind him to stay quiet.

He nods for Harper to continue.

"- I was scared to get them too and Mom and Dad were at the hospital working, but you let me wear the lucky baseball hat uncle Derek gave you and you put all my hair inside.

And then you let me see when Henry was lice free.

But I was still scared and you let me go to bed with your hat on.

And then wear it to school the next day.

And the rest of that week until I wasn't scared anymore.

I never got lice in my life thanks to you and I miss you living with us but Mom says you'll be back soon. -"

"Who checked on the kids' speeches?" Addison whispers to the rest of the adults on the table.

They all discretely shake their heads.

_Not me. _

_I didn't know. _

_Me either_.

"Baby, it's beautiful, let's wrap it up." Addison gently tells her.

Harper eagerly nods, her face flushing. "I wish you and Fernando a happy wedding and I hope he feels safe because now you're living with him." She takes one last deep breath. "Sammy is my lucky hat like uncle Derek's hat is her lucky hat."

Everybody's quiet.

"Love, Harper Montgomery Reilly."

They all clap. And Harper rushes out of her seat.

"I drew you this picture of Fernando's daddy as an angel because I'm sorry-" Maru takes the envelope and hugs the girl to muffle her voice in her chest. "Maybe the children should give their speeches to the bride and groom. In private." Maru suggests, her smile softening her words.

"Yes, please!" Henry begs and to their fortune, everybody agrees.

She takes advantage of her success to distract the rest of the table when she whispers to the six-year-old still standing confused next to her. "Thank you, very much, m'iha. I'm sure I'm going to love it. Let's not say anything about this anymore, okay?"

Harper nods and runs to her seat in the safety of her mother's side.

Padre Juan begins a toast to start the party.

"To the beginning of Samantha and Fernando's marriage."

Which also means, Addison and Derek's green light to finally make up their minds.

"She's married." She just nods, not at a loss of words, if she were to start she wouldn't know where to stop.

"Addison?" He wants to talk and it's about them.

He clears his throat, gestures a nearby waiter for a refill of his scotch. He comes closer.

"Good evening, Sir. My name is-"

"Dylan!" Derek reads his name tag and he blurts before the teen can speak "and you're glad we're in Sonterra where Heaven is on Earth."

Dylan smiles, apparently trained enough not to show annoyance. "Scotch?" he asks.

Derek looks at Addison and back to the waiter. "And wine, for the other Dr. Shepherd." he says more to himself than to the uniformed kid in front of them.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm talking to you. And you'll be out of wine when he comes back so might as well-"

"You know what I meant."

"I was kidding. Where's your sense of humor?"

She raises her eyebrows.

"I forgot you don't have one."

"Derek."

"Don't say I'm not supposed to talk to you."

"I wasn't going to."

"They're married, Addie. She's happy."

"Yeah." She cheers back and they focus on the small dance floor. They witness the bride and groom with their ear to ear grins, Maru teaching the kids a couple of dance moves, Meredith playing along with them because of Ellis. Jake chatting with Padre Juan.

As if everyone could manage without Addison and Derek.

"You, uh, their speeches- Did they sound like they know?"

He shrugs. "We didn't do anything."

She's obviously offended, for a moment she considers he doesn't remember.

"-That they know of." he adds.

"You know what?" She studies his profile, he's still looking at the dance floor. "They don't have to know."

"Excuse me?" He turns to her in disbelief.

She shrugs, it makes sense to her to choose not to hurt everyone.

"We can move on. We can-we pretend it never happened." His eyes are soft on her while she speaks, that look he gets when he's seeing her above paying attention to what she's saying. It used to work -_works-_ in the past, -or right now, maybe-. In the past, it used to work. "That applies to us too, Derek, we're never, uh… succumbing again."

He chuckles against his best efforts not to. "_Succumbing?_"

She takes the wine Dylan The Waiter left on her side.

"Is that what you would have done if I had never walked in on you?"

"_Why_ are you still comparing? Derek. No. You are the expert. You were sleeping with Meredith until I found out so-"

"I wasn't sleeping with her."

For some reason she doesn't want to ponder, she flushes. Her eyebrows raise on their own.

"It was one time." His tone serious.

_Now_ she laughs.

"That's what she said." She pats her upper lip with a napkin. But then at the way he pronounces her name, she drops the joke. What did he say about her sense of humor?

"I wasn't sleeping with her. Not until then."

A single fact.

It feels like the hundredth time in one eternal weekend that everything she knows-

Shifts.

She's not able to say anything else. She's too busy questioning everything she's believed since then and every choice she's made until this very day.

"You said it was over-" She doesn't only remember his exact words, she remembers her stomach twisting, their sleeping daughter behind them and _uncle Mark missed us so he's here to visit. And he's staying next door. _Nothing happened, for the record. Not that night at least.

"You...agreed." he doesn't say this to her face, he shares it to the open air, in the form of an exhale, like he's taking advantage of the music being loud enough, his children chanting, her children too. And theirs along with them.

He waits for a while to continue.

"Their speeches," he pushes. "They're not...oblivious."

_I wasn't either,_ or so she thought. "My children are young and yours too, Derek. They're still kids."

Their daughter looks at them from afar, she smiles warmly and cheers from her spot on the dance floor.

"So was Sammy." Derek mutters. His sudden small voice admitting how unfair this is for third parties involved. Their daughter somehow took on the best of them, loved them still, became a functional adult.

"I don't know how to deal with _this_." she doesn't say _us,_ she has tried that before. They're not a communion anymore, she hasn't conceived them in plural for so long, it shouldn't feel normal, nor right.

"Do you want me to list options?" his reminiscence of when she was foolish enough to chase after him, how she felt it was worth it when he smiled back at her. Then she kissed him, calling out her assumed victory. He smiled back again. It was all it took for her to carry on with their crumbled pieces, for the both of them. A part of her accepting it was all her fault then, if only she had tried further, she wonders if that's what he expected of her.

And he's laying the chance out right now.

_I just know I still love you._

"Derek," She puts her hands up. "This is not funny."

"I know." He gulps down the last of his drink.

Dylan The Waiter is fast to come with refills.

* * *

Jake stands before her, extends a hand.

She takes it. He pulls her close. A smirk that says _let's not fight_.

She thinks of the first time she saw him. When they met for real later. He was patient, he adjusted to her timing. They've always trusted each other. He believes in her, doesn't judge her.

If his ex wife was alive, she considers, she could trap him and ask what he would do if he were given the chance...he never had to stop loving her, or apologized for thinking fondly of their times together even when it was painful. _Too._

As a friend, she would go to him for advice in this specific situation, and maybe they can remain so. It doesn't have to mean they have to stop caring for each other.

Nostalgia takes over her as flashes of their lives together go as fast as they come, their first encounter at the grocery store right after she swore to herself no one was distracting her from her new single mother status, all the way to him not only joining the practice but also becoming her best friend, Sammy's homework expert, his support through Henry's adoption until he was eventually her husband, all the way to Harper's unexpected, even miraculous arrival. But they were always friends first.

In her twisted mind and their current scenario, he could take part and help her decide what's best for everyone. At least she has the certainty of him supporting her happiness. Their families know each other well enough. They could all, perhaps, figure it out together.

_I always knew_. She can almost hear him saying.

Every scenario where someone is potentially losing their minds, both in their practice and their lives, he always knows what to say, never misses hope when soothing her, his patients, their children; it's his nature.

_It will be okay. We'll figure it out. _

He made her brave. His purpose in her life might have been to make that impact. Give her enough courage to confront her fears, accept the truth.

She takes a deep breath, when she shifts to face him, she's welcomed by his serene smile.

Like he's past it. Or like he gets it.

"Jake," she starts.

_It will be okay. We'll figure it out. _

To gather strength, her eyes wander to find Derek, a quick reminder. But then Meredith laughs out loud, her long blonde hair gracefully thrown back when she tilts her head in amusement. She crosses her arms behind his neck and, almost as if he knew, or they're still in tune and he's checking back on her too, he sways her around, holding her by the waist.

His gaze finally reaches hers. And she knows that look. It brings back the most unpleasant of their last days together.

_You deserve better._

It's ashamed and regretful Derek. Moving on without her.

_I'm sorry I did that. _

Again.

She can't cry but in the effort to suppress it she loses balance for a second, Jake steadies her. "Sweetheart?" he brings her back to present placing a palm on her cheek. "Are you okay?"

She nods, hugs her husband as tight as possible.

_I'm sorry you did that too. _

"You're crying." he senses. Of course he does.

"I'm just-"

"I get it." He leans his head against hers. She stays quiet in his arms. It's comforting. Jake always is. Even when she was about to break everything they have and it took one single look not to. He doesn't know, but she's glad and so she won't correct him. In everything else, he does get her.

She knows how to go on. Happily so. And she's grateful, she was never good at settling for the gentle path unless the circumstances chose her first.

It's better that way.

* * *

_**...**_

* * *

_**Sorry. I'm hurt. Addison was never able to make permanent choices against Derek unless he was the one to walk out. Prove me wrong. **_

_**Scratch that, you don't have to. **_

_**If you're not that mad at me, please, pretty please review. **_


End file.
